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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23537914">How Tohru Honda Accidentally Became a God</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/0bviousLeigh/pseuds/0bviousLeigh'>0bviousLeigh</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket (Anime 2001), Fruits Basket (Anime 2019), Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, I cannot stress enough how much of a SPOILER WARNING I AM GIVING Y'ALL, No character bashing, Spoilers for the Manga, and yes we are endgame kyo/tohru, everyone has canon feelings for Akito but we're not bashing Akito, like really don't read if you want to be surprised for anything</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 14:56:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,162</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23537914</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/0bviousLeigh/pseuds/0bviousLeigh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>If the whole world was rewired so Tohru was at the center of it…would that be such a bad thing?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Honda Tohru/Sohma Kyou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>142</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Yuki</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>We have a few deviations from canon but at its' core everything is the same.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At first Yuki can kind of brush it off. Honda-san is digging through a pile of dirt and mud, flinging good-sized rocks aside with a strength Yuki hadn’t realized she possessed, and it’s almost funny when one of them nearly hits Shigure in the head. He puts a hand on Honda-san’s shoulder to stop her and she turns to him, a pole from the tent clutched in her hands, a wild, almost feral look on her face, and Yuki’s heart skips a beat. He didn’t even realize the point of the pole was a fingers-width away from his chest, he’s so focused on Honda-san’s eyes; the raw desperation, the barely-held-back tears. Yuki’s heart goes out to her, he wants so desperately to help her, he already knows he’ll come back and get the picture of her mom. In that moment, he starts privately calling her by her first name. He wants to someday be close enough to her to actually use it with her, but he doesn’t think he will ever. She’s so strong, and brave, and Yuki thought her so ordinary just this morning. He misjudged her so deeply.</p><p>(Shigure tells him later he thought Tohru had been about to stab him, and Yuki scoffs. She wouldn’t do that, of course not. She had been caught up in the moment, she probably didn’t even know what was in her hands.)</p><p>When Kyo breaks through the roof, Tohru just happened to take a step back at the last second. He could have killed her, and Yuki’s barely containing his fury as the damn kid challenges him to yet another useless fight, and then he hears a creak from the ceiling—there’s a loose brick. Tohru lets out a shout and shoves Kyo out of the way, the brick narrowly missing her own head, and then there’s a flash of smoke and Yuki knows they’re doomed (they’re more doomed than he first realized, as Tohru eventually exposed all of them in a span of maybe two minutes).</p><p>It isn’t until after everything has calmed down that Yuki realizes Tohru narrowly avoided being injured twice that morning, and the second time she had reacted with such speed, pushing that idiot out of the way…there was almost something unnatural about it. Even Yuki hadn’t been able to react that quickly.</p><p>When she offers to clean the house, Yuki wants to refuse. It doesn’t seem fair to subject her to that, but Shigure whispers that she’ll never be satisfied living there until she feels she’s earned her keep. But Yuki is determined to help, so he checks on her shortly after she gets started, and…the kitchen is already clean, and she’s got soup and rice cooking. Yuki is stunned, how on earth did she get so much done so quickly?</p><p>Tohru smiles at him, so happily, “I get kind of carried away with these things. When I lose my focus, I just steam ahead!”</p><p>Yuki guesses it’s kind of like how he gets with school work, he does actually like studying.</p><p>But the days go by, and he notices more and more that things seem a little…off with Tohru. She’s pretty clumsy, but she never seems to get hurt. Yuki has checked, when he thinks she’s not looking at him, her elbows and knees (which she frequently bumps) never bruise, and when she chops vegetables he swears he’s seen the knife slip more than once, and he’s reached out to stop bleeding that never seems to happen, leading to bewilderment from Tohru.</p><p>“Yuki-san?”</p><p>Yuki’s holding his hand out towards her, heart in his throat. He swears she should have sliced her palm open.</p><p>“Um…are they ready?”</p><p>Tohru laughs. “Not yet, the chunks are still too big.”</p><p>When Kagura shows up and flings Kyo all over the house, and flings pieces of the house all over in the process, Yuki stands ready to knock Tohru away if anything comes at her (curse be damned), but <em>nothing</em> seems to hit her. She even, at one point, reaches up and snatches a picture frame from midair. The fact that she didn’t run screaming from Kagura is incredible all by itself, but her nerves, her reflexes…</p><p>“Honda-san?”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>It’s late, Kyo is upstairs, Shigure is writing, and Tohru and Yuki are putting the house back together. No one can hear Yuki ask, “Have you ever had martial arts training?”</p><p>“Ehh?!” Tohru cries, blushing, “Oh no! I can’t imagine, I mean I think it’s wonderful that you and Kyo seem to enjoy it, but I’m afraid I wouldn’t be strong enough. I’m kind of a wimp, you see, at least that’s what everyone says.”</p><p>Yuki nods, “Oh, I don’t think you’re a wimp. You handled Kagura with such ease.”</p><p>Tohru stammers that she really didn’t, Yuki is so kind to say such a thing, and so on. Yuki should have known, she’s really not the type to secretly be a black belt, but still.</p><p>Watching Tohru hold her own against all of the Sohma family is really something else, she becomes an instant motherly figure to Momiji, she’s broken Hatori’s shell, she doesn’t have a breakdown from Ritsu’s mother (the woman scares Yuki, honestly), and she’s not scared when Haru blacks out in front of her. She’s really incredible. Yuki is so happy they brought her back to them, they truly did miss her, and after watching the way she handled Shigure’s mishap with the washing machine, he really thinks they would be dead or homeless without her.</p><hr/><p>Shigure sits at the table, his face white.</p><p>“What’s your deal?” Kyo asks.</p><p>Shigure gulps. “I think…I think Tohru is trying to kill us.”</p><p>Kyo and Yuki both stare at him. Tohru is upstairs, she’s dusting.</p><p>“Beg pardon?” Yuki asks.</p><p>“You’ve lost your mind,” Kyo snarls at the same time, “She’s…she’s so not!”</p><p>Shigure leans forward, desperation on his face, “No, really, she almost killed me just now! I just wanted to ask if she needed help, and then a sword was at my throat!”</p><p>That gives Yuki pause, then he remembers Shigure has a decorative sword upstairs. “She dusted the sword, didn’t she?”</p><p>“Right at my throat!” Shigure insists. “And the other day in the kitchen, she tripped and I caught her, but I didn’t know she had a knife in her hand, it almost went through my arm!”</p><p>“Yeah, you probably deserved it you perv,” Kyo scoffs.</p><p>“And then there’s the boiling water!”</p><p>“The tea,” Yuki corrects. It’s true, Tohru has several times nearly dumped hot tea on people, but it’s just clumsiness and the fact that she feels it’s up to her to pour the tea all the time.</p><p>Kyo rolls his eyes. “I’ve heard enough, this is complete nonsense.” He stands up, brushing his pants off. “Go to sleep, you’re clearly drunk.”</p><p>Yuki is inclined to agree, but he’d never say so.</p><p>But he finds himself watching more closely. It’s true, Tohru does often have a knife in her hands, but she likes to cook. And yes, sometimes Yuki’s had the wrong end of the knife too close to him, helping Tohru when she’s juggling too many things, but she’s never trying to hurt him. Yuki would know, he lived with Akito, he knows intent when he sees it. Actually, rather than see Tohru as clumsy, he’s starting to see her as almost magic. The amount of near misses, the sheer dexterity she possesses as she maneuvers the various things that seem to pop up with intent to send her sprawling, and even if she can’t avoid landing in a heap, there’s never any lasting damage.</p><p>“Stop staring at her,” Kyo hisses at him, and Yuki can see the metaphorical hair rising on his back. “You’re as bad as Shigure.”</p><p>Yuki wasn’t staring, he was looking—looking for old scars, faded burns, a yellowing bruise. When he was in the dojo, he used to get hurt all the time. Most people have injuries on them at any given point in time; bruises, scratches and the like. But Tohru…she never even seems to have a tear in her tights. Maybe it’s a girl thing? He has to admit, he’s never really looked so carefully at a girl before, always so wary of exposing his curse. Maybe he’s missing something.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>Yuki never thought he’d skip out on New Year’s at the family compound, but the thought of Tohru all alone…it’s instinct, almost, making him turn around and rush home, that idiot at his heels. They were stupid, so stupid, how could they have left her alone, after everything she did for them. He and Kyo burst through the door, and she’s sitting at the table, teacup in her hand, a tear on her cheek. Yuki’s heart feels like it’s breaking into pieces, and at the same time he’s so relieved. He’s here, he’s with her, everything’s going to be okay now. He was so stupid to have left in the first place, his goddess…</p><p>Luckily the smoke explodes in his face and then he’s on the floor, in his rat form. Thank heaven, his thoughts took a weird turn right there. His goddess? He can’t believe he thought such a thing, it must have been the panic overwhelming him. Tohru isn’t…she’s not even his, what’s wrong with him? He doesn’t even want to compare her to Akito like that, it would be insulting.</p><p>But later, after they watch the sun rise, and he’s resting in his bed, he thinks about it. That feeling in his chest, like his heart was breaking and coming back together all at once…he’s felt that before, the first time he saw Akito. At that time, it felt like his whole world was rewiring so that Akito was at the center of it.</p><p>If his whole world was rewired so Tohru was at the center of it…would that be such a bad thing?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I want to do a chapter for every character. They may not all be this long.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Ayame</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Shortest chapter I've written thus far in my history of writing fanfiction, but what can I say, Ayame's is simple.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Looking back, Ayame would say he knew it from the moment Shigure told him that Yuki wasn’t coming that New Years’ eve. None of them would have ever imagined missing that night, but Yuki? Precious, golden Yuki, the rat? Ayame wondered if their mother knew. Then, thinking about what she would do if she did, he hoped she never found out. For Yuki to miss out on a night with their god…this girl had to be something special.</p><p>Of course, he had to meet her, and he’s astounded by how ordinary she is. Yuki was such a thick-headed young man, he thought for sure the girl who captivated him so from day one must have been an ethereal beauty. She isn’t…well, she isn’t plain, but she isn’t one who drew eyes to her either. She is soft spoken, shy, and when he wheedles her into dinner with him he thought she was rather pliant. Perhaps he misjudged his brother? Perhaps this was his ideal girl?</p><p>But he finds himself spilling his guts to this girl. It wasn’t like him to talk about Yuki so much, but he can’t seem to help himself around Tohru. She is a very good listener, maybe that was what Yuki liked?</p><p>But she not only listened, she understood what he was saying. And Tohru…she wants to help him. Ayame listens to her speak about her mother and there’s so much love and longing in her voice that he wishes he could have met the woman—if this girl loves her so deeply, she must have been amazing.</p><p>“If you really remember how you felt when you were a child, even when you’re an adult or parent, then you can understand each other. Even if it’s not 100%, you can meet each other halfway…she said.”</p><p>How had Ayame felt when he was Yuki’s age? It’s like he’s been hit over the head—he was desperate. Adulthood looming in front of him, the curse hanging over him, a lack of guidance in the face of it all, he had wanted to run and hide, but he couldn’t, so he did what he always did—the opposite of what he should have done. If Yuki felt the same way, but lacked Ayame’s carefree attitude…what must it be like for him? The poor boy must be choking to death under the weight of it all!</p><p>“Maybe you and Yuki can try to meet each other halfway.”</p><p>He understands now why Yuki adores her. Tohru listens, and she drops pearls of wisdom like rain in a dessert. She’s a clear mind in a family where everything is dictated by tradition and rules, and no one thinks because they should already know everything. Tohru doesn’t expect everyone to already know what to do, and she doesn’t act like she has all the answers. Instead she gives suggestions based on her own experience, and tries to help people adapt it to their own situation.</p><p>She’s nothing like anyone Ayame has ever met, and it’s absolutely wonderful. If it was someone like her at the center of his existence…maybe he wouldn’t feel like the curse was such a burden.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>These chapters will likely not be in any kind of chronological order, I'm just posting them as I see fit.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Kisa</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Life is so much easier as a tiger, she doesn’t have to talk because tigers can’t talk, and if anyone annoys her she can just bite them. It’s a wonderful existence, and Kisa is seriously considering just staying in her tiger form for the rest of her life. She wonders if any other zodiac animal has ever done that, maybe Hatori would know. She’ll find a way to ask him without turning back, he always seems to understand even when words aren’t exchanged.</p><p>That girl is here again. She’s trying to talk to Kisa, make her change her forms. Kisa whirls around and sinks her teeth into the soft meat of the girls’ hand. She yelps, tears in her eyes, and Kisa savagely thinks, ‘Good, let her cry, let someone else cry instead of me.’</p><p>Then mama is there. Kisa refuses to let go of the girls’ hand as her mother’s patience wavers. It was only a matter of time, Kisa knew her mother would abandon her eventually. It doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t hurt…</p><p>“I’m tired, Kisa.”</p><p>
  <em>It doesn’t hurt.</em>
</p><p>“She couldn’t tell you. It’s hard to tell someone that you’re being bullied. I couldn’t tell my mom, either.”</p><p>Kisa is stunned. She listens as this girl speaks everything that’s in her heart.</p><p>“I started to feel ashamed of myself for being bullied. And I was embarrassed to let my mom find out. I was scared she wouldn’t love me anymore.”</p><p>Kisa has been so scared.</p><p>“I desperately tried to hide it by pretending I was okay. That made me feel even more ashamed and embarrassed.”</p><p>Kisa wanted so desperately for everyone to think she was okay. If she didn’t show she was hurting, it meant she was being strong. It was exhausting, but her mom already went through so much because of her. She couldn’t burden mom with this too.</p><p>“Kisa-san might also feel this way. She didn’t want you to hate her. She couldn’t tell you because she loves you.”</p><p>Kisa closes her eyes and smoke rises around her. She holds the girl—Tohru’s hand gently, presses it against her cheek. She was so selfish for hurting her, she feels so awful for it, she hopes Tohru can forgive her.</p><p>Tohru pulls her hand away and Kisa’s heart sinks, but Tohru simply removes her jacket and drapes it around Kisa’s shoulders. Kisa sobs, flinging herself at Tohru and hugging her. Tohru holds her, and Kisa feels like nothing else in the world matters. She feels seen and understood, she feels like things will be okay. Finally someone knows what it’s like inside her head. She never wants to be apart from Tohru, she wants her whole world rewired so Tohru is at the center of it, she wants Tohru to be the one she goes to with her problems and worries and happiness.</p><p>This is so much better than being with Akito.</p><p>And over the days that follow, Tohru cheerfully allows Kisa to follow her around, hugs her at every opportunity and showers her with love. Kisa loves being in Shigure’s house, she loves snuggling up next to Tohru at night, she loves helping Tohru cook dinner. It’s like being at home with her own mother, it’s ten times better than being at the Sohma compound. Maybe it’s a hundred times better! Kisa is in awe of Tohru, how one person can be so loving and giving and warm. If she didn’t miss her mother so much, she’d want to stay here forever.</p><p>Kisa knows she’ll go home eventually, but it’s not scary, because she knows that if things get bad, Tohru will comfort her. She can call Tohru, or come by and visit her. Tohru has enough love for Kisa, and Yuki, Kyo, and Shigure. Maybe she has enough love for Hiro, too. Maybe Kisa should tell him about Tohru. She’ll tell him that Tohru is nothing like Akito, that Tohru doesn’t want to hurt anyone or see anyone get hurt ever. Maybe she’ll even tell Hiro her most selfish wish of all time.</p><p>She wishes Tohru was their god instead of Akito.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kisa is the ultimate baby.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Hiro</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I stress the spoiler warning again, things happen in this chapter that have not yet happened in the anime!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He really didn’t get what was so special about her. She’s dense, she’s simpleminded, she’s not that pretty, she’s not too smart—how did she manage to get through to Kisa when no one else could? And now she’s all Kisa can ever talk about, all Kisa ever wants is to be around her. Hiro doesn’t even get that much time with Kisa to begin with, between school and avoiding Akito’s wrath, and now this dumb woman is stealing even more of it.</p><p>And now because of her, he’s really messed things up with Kisa. He hadn’t meant it to come out that harshly, he really did just want to know why she always went on about her mother. Was her mom that great? But all he did was make Kisa cry, and now Tohru’s attitude is all off and Kyo’s mad at him too.</p><p>Why do they have to break watermelons? Why can’t they just put the whole baby thing aside? The thought of his mom being pregnant is making him anxious, what if she really does get hurt? What if the baby gets hurt? What if he’s not a good enough brother? If he can’t make things okay with Kisa how is he supposed to make things okay for a baby?</p><p>“And so, in honor of Hiro-san’s baby—”</p><p>“It’s not <em>my</em> baby!” God that woman is annoying.</p><p>“I will break this watermelon!”</p><p>Hiro sighs and watches, fully anticipating Tohru will break her wrist. She brings her arm back, jaw set with determination, and she swings her hand through the air…</p><p>The melon splits open, seeds and juice flying.</p><p>There’s several seconds of silence where the Sohmas just gape. Apparently, Hiro wasn’t the only one convinced Tohru would fail spectacularly. Haru simply hands Tohru a napkin.</p><p>“Whoa!” Momiji cries, breaking the silence, “Tohru is really, really strong!”</p><p>Tohru calmly wipes her hand and picks up a chunk of the watermelon. “Here you go, Hiro-san!” She says, chipper as always as she hands it to him.</p><p>Hiro takes it, stammering out a ‘thank you’ in his shock, which send Momiji into even more of a delight.</p><p>“Tohru must be magic!” Momiji cries, dancing around, “She got Hiro to say ‘thank you’!”</p><p>The shock fades as everyone has a laugh at Hiro’s expense, but he’s too shaken to really bite back at them. Has he been so wrong about Tohru? Is she really better than he could have imagined? Does she put on an act of simplicity and then take people in with surprises?</p><p>He has a brief thought of Tohru offering to beat up Kisa’s bullies, but even Kisa seemed surprised by Tohru’s strength, she must not have expected it. Surely that’s not how Tohru and Kisa became close…he watches Tohru more carefully during their outing. She’s clumsy, but even though she trips she never seems to fall or get hurt. She has no scars on her knees from old scrapes, she doesn’t seem to have felt the impact of the watermelon at all. It’s so incredibly unsettling. Is she even human?</p><p>That’s a dumb thought, of course she’s human. It must be a fluke of some kind, she has to be good at something, after all. In fact, she must be strong to have survived this long, with that brain full of air. Hiro pushes the thought of Tohru aside—she’s even got him obsessed now!</p><p>That night Kisa starts to nod off in the living room and Momiji lays down next to her, and Hiro joins on Momiji’s other side just because. He’s kind of asleep when he hears a cloth being shaken out, then there’s a gentle flap of air and he feels a sheet settling over him. He opens his eyes ever so slightly and sees Tohru covering the three of them, a soft smile on her face.</p><p>‘Like my mom,’ he thinks, and then he sighs and drifts off.</p><p>
  <em>He dreams that he comes home and Tohru is there. ‘Where’s my mom?’ He asks. Tohru doesn’t answer, just serves him watermelon and motions for him to sit. ‘Don’t worry,’ she says, ‘You’ll be a good brother. You’ll know just what to do when the moment arrives. Your sister will love you, and she’ll grow up knowing she has the best big brother in the world. You love her so much already, how could you not be a good brother?’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hiro wants to yell, but Tohru’s eyes turn black and suddenly Akito is sitting there, hissing at him for daring to like Kisa, and Akito reaches out with fingers curled into claws</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘I want Tohru back,’ Hiro thinks desperately, turning to run, and he runs straight into someone. He stumbles back, half afraid it’ll be Akito, but he looks up and it’s her, it’s Tohru.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘You just had to ask,’ she says, holding out her arms, and Hiro falls against her, relief making him weak in the knees.</em>
</p><p>When Hiro wakes up he doesn’t remember much of the dream, just that Akito was there and he wished for Tohru instead, and then she <em>was</em> there.</p><p>(After Hinata is born he remembers more of the dream, and how in it, Tohru said he would have a sister. And weirdly, a lot of things start to make sense from that point.)</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Shigure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>MAJOR SPOILER ALERT. </p><p>IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW THE MANGA ENDS DON'T READ THIS CHAPTER.</p><p>I MEAN IT. I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY IF THIS SPOILS EVERYTHING FOR YOU. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Akito asked him why he wants her around, and Shigure said he thought having Tohru around was simply hilarious. He said she was ordinary, laughably so, and she made Yuki squirm.</p><p>Nothing could be further from the truth. When Shigure first laid eyes on her, he felt something he had only felt once before in his whole entire life. He brushed it off at the time, telling himself he was imagining things, the girl wasn’t actually the sun, the light was simply reflecting off something and making it look like a sunbeam was hitting her. There was nothing magnetic about her, she wasn’t anything special at all.</p><p>But that night at the tent, when she dug like her life was on the line, when she had that pole aimed at Yuki’s chest…Shigure admits that for a minute the girl frightened him. Silly, of course, there’s not a mean bone in her body, never mind a murderous one. But her intensity, her strength…for a completely ordinary girl, there was something so amazing about it.</p><p>He began noticing how the others reacted to her. When she spoke, all eyes went to her. When she walks into a room, Yuki’s eyes find her immediately and Kyo turns towards her as if…well, as if they’re magnets and she’s the purest iron. They seem helpless to her, and Shigure thinks it would be so easy for Tohru to make them do anything for her, but he knows she would never. She’s got two boys wrapped around her finger, two incredibly wealthy, handsome boys, and she doesn’t seem to know it. She’s so disgustingly pure and sweet, or maybe it only seems that way because Shigure can’t help but think of what Akito would do in Tohru’s place.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Yuki is nagging at him to not treat Tohru like a maid, saying he’s a perv and a lazy excuse for a homeowner, so Shigure sighs and goes to see if he can help Tohru with the dusting. She’s in his office and he knocks on the door briefly before sliding it open.</p><p>There’s a <em>sword</em> a hairsbreadth away from his neck and he feels the air leave his lungs and his bones freeze and he’s <strong>staring into Akito’s furious black eyes</strong></p><p>Tohru yelps and scrambles back. “I am so sorry!” She exclaims, clutching the sword to her chest, “Oh Shigure-san, I had no idea you were—! I was just wiping it down!”</p><p>“No harm done,” Shigure finds himself gasping. He feels like he aged twenty years. “I should have given you more time after I knocked.”</p><p>He runs back downstairs and blurts it out to Yuki and Kyo, but they scoff at him and roll their eyes as they leave. Shigure pours himself a cup of tea with shaking hands, trying to forget the flash of Akito’s fury he’d seen when he looked at Tohru. The two of them could not have been more different, he tells himself, he knows it, he’s thought it a hundred times. He repeats it until his hands stop shaking, until he takes a moment to actually think about what happened.</p><p>Tohru scrambled back. The sword was fake and dull and wouldn’t have hurt him anyway, but she backed away as if it didn’t matter, as if it hurt her to think of hurting him. If it had been Akito…she would have moved closer. She would have pressed the point of the sword to his neck.</p><p>‘Not that I wouldn’t have deserved it,’ he thinks bitterly. He hurt Akito because he wanted to show her that she didn’t own him, that no one did, that no curse could dictate who he loved and why, he didn’t need her, certainly not if he was only going to be one of her playthings. Hatori had called him stupid, begged him to see it from her point of view, after all Akito had been abused, too. But he had only seen his own pain and his own needs…</p><p>“Shigure-san?”</p><p>He jumps and looks up. Tohru is standing there, timid and faintly pink, but holding steady.</p><p>Tohru is not Akito. She’s not vindictive, she doesn’t hold people like they’re lifelines, clutching them because they’re her only chance to stay afloat even if she drowns them alongside her. Tohru is like a life raft, like rain in a drought. She could have let life’s hardships make her cold and jaded, and she would have been within reason to do so, but instead she still found sympathy for others. She still wanted to make other people feel better, after everything she had suffered, she wanted to see others smile before she thought about her own happiness.</p><p>Shigure smiles at her. “Tohru, you haven’t gone to bed yet? Tsk tsk, you shouldn’t be up so late!”</p><p>She sighs and all the tension leaves her body. She grins, “Just came to say good night.”</p><p>Perhaps because Tohru knew what it was like to love and lose, to have life throw lemons at you, she knew how to show kindness to those in a similar boat. Perhaps Tohru was so understanding, so motherly, not because she was perfect, but because she was hurt and yearning just like the rest of them. Maybe, if she met Akito, if she knew Akito’s story, she could even find sympathy for their miserable god. Maybe Tohru gave others what she wanted in return.</p><p>Maybe…maybe that’s what a god was supposed to do.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Kagura</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She knows it the moment Tohru walks back, muddy and wet, stockings ripped, but smiling gently and cradling Kyo, in his cat form, in her arms. Kagura wants to love Kyo with all her heart; She wants to prove wrong everyone who’s ever said Kagura only loves him out of some kind of guilt for him being the cat, but she knows in that moment she’ll never love Kyo as much as Tohru does. Tohru isn’t like them, there is no guilt, no generations of bad blood tainting any positive feelings Tohru has for Kyo. She’s pure and untethered to the family. Tohru saw Kyo in his worst moment and she was shocked and terrified, but she went after him anyway. She brought him back and held him close to her chest, she looked at him with nothing but love in her eyes.</p><p>But Kagura is selfish. She still wants to atone for that day when she ran away from Kyo in terror. Perhaps if she truly loved Kyo, she would push Tohru at him and scream, ‘Go, run, take him as far away from here as you possibly can.’ If anyone could do it, Tohru could. She’s like an angel, like a princess in a fairytale, complete with talking animals. But Kagura is not a princess, she’s the selfish stepsister clinging to a boy because of her own guilt.</p><p>If Tohru knows what’s in Kagura’s heart, she doesn’t show it. She treats Kagura like a friend, like they’re real lifetime buddies. It’s absolutely painful, but not painful enough that Kagura can stay away. She goes back, mostly for Kyo but also because she genuinely likes Tohru. She’s such a wonderful, sweet girl, and Kagura has had so few girlfriends. Kisa is young, and Rin is jaded (not that she doesn’t love them both), and the girls at school have never been able to handle her mood swings. But Tohru doesn’t seem to mind, or maybe she’s too scared to say anything.</p><p>When Rin comes back from the summer house, disappointed but relatively unharmed, she casually mentions having seen Tohru.</p><p>“How is she?” Kagura asks.</p><p>Rin doesn’t answer for a while, but before Kagura can prod her for an answer she says, “She was nice. I see why everyone loves her.”</p><p>There’s something in Rin’s voice, some kind of longing that resonates with an ache in Kagura’s own chest. Even Rin can see it, can feel the pull towards this completely otherwise ordinary girl. There’s something so wonderful about Tohru, that she can connect so deeply with all of them.</p><p>Kagura sighs, “I wish—”</p><p>Then she cuts herself off, shocked at the words she had been about to speak. ‘I wish we had met her before Akito.’</p><p>That pull, that feeling of wanting to run to Tohru’s arms, Kagura has only felt it before with Akito, but even then she had felt darkness, a cry to run away from him. With Tohru, there had been none of that darkness.</p><p>Rin looks at her quizzically, and Kagura hastily says, “I wish I had come, too.”</p><p>Rin scoffs. “Akito was there, ignoring Kyo. It was good you stayed away.”</p><p>Kagura digs her nails into her palm. She knew Akito had gone, her mother told her and forbid her from going. ‘Don’t make trouble for yourself, why go when you know you’ll only get angry?’</p><p>But Kyo probably wasn’t alone. If Tohru was there, she absolutely stayed with him and made sure he wasn’t lonely. Akito will never call on Kyo, but as long as Tohru is around, he’ll never feel unwanted.</p><p>Kagura used to wish so desperately for the curse to break. She wanted to live in a world where Kyo could look forward to a future and her friends could live free of Akito’s reach. Selfishly, savagely, Kagura holds a new wish close to her heart.</p><p>‘I wish Tohru will be able to help Kyo. Whatever it means and however she does it, I want her to be the one.’</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Hatori</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘This poor girl obviously has no idea what she’s getting herself in to.’</p><p>That’s what Hatori thinks when Akito says she can keep her memories, the zodiac can have this ordinary pet for a little while. It’s unlike Akito, but Hatori doesn’t say anything in the moment. All he can think about is how soon he can get to this girl and scare her off.</p><p>But she doesn’t scare easily, and she seems to genuinely like the Sohmas, if her reaction to Momiji is anything to go by. It’s almost even more painful for that reason, as he remembers Yuki begging him not to erase his friends’ memories. Truly, being cursed with the zodiac makes for a lonely life.</p><p>But Tohru…she’s something else. She’s exactly like Kana, and Hatori can’t believe it. How is it possible that in this world, God made two of them? For a second, it makes him impossibly sad and heartbroken.</p><p>“When the snow melts, what does it become?”</p><p>Tohru smiles gently. “It becomes spring, doesn’t it?”</p><p>The sorrow vanishes. Truly, she’s like Kana—she looks on the bright side. She reaches for warmth and spreads hope. But unlike Kana, she’s not imagining a future where she’s a wife (at least not yet). Maybe it’s better that she’s younger, maybe she won’t get sucked into a dream where everything works out and she can marry…one of them.</p><p>She does spend an awful lot of time with Yuki and Kyo, but they do live together. Still, he has to think that even Shigure wouldn’t let her stay if he thought she was dating one of the boys. Besides, Yuki is too responsible to fall in love with her, and Kyo…he would never let himself.</p><p>Then he hears about how Tohru carried Kyo home after Kazuma ripped his bracelet off. At first, Hatori is furious. How could he do something so absolutely reckless and dangerous and how could he subject her to—</p><p>He has to take a deep breath and tell himself that she’s <em>not</em> Kana. He would have never let Kana see that, it would have been horrifying for her. But Tohru saw and she went after Kyo. He can’t say if he knows Kana would have done the same thing.</p><p>But it was still cruel, and so he confronts Kazuma all the same.</p><p>“How could you?”</p><p>“She went after him.”</p><p>Hatori curls his fingers into a fist. “To Kyo,” he growls, “How could you do that to Kyo?”</p><p>Kazuma looks at him coldly. “I’m amazed you care. Isn’t he there so you all can have something to be thankful for? ‘At least I’m not the cat, at least I won’t be locked away.’”</p><p>“How could you put her in front of him?” Hatori presses, ignoring the stab in his heart, “How could you give him that hope when you know as well as I that it can’t happen?”</p><p>“Says who?” Kazuma asks.</p><p>For a second Hatori feels panicked. Is it possible he knows about Kureno?</p><p>“It’s never been done before, but maybe things can change.”</p><p>Hatori relaxes. “That’s a far off dream.”</p><p>“Is it? You didn’t see how she looked at him. You don’t know what it’s like to…” Kazuma looks down. “I admit it was out of pity at first, but I grew to love him so much. If I could tear down that room with my own hands I would, but I don’t have that kind of power.”</p><p>The anger is back. “And you think a mere girl does? She’s a child, you’re pinning an awful lot on her.”</p><p>“Yes, I admit I am,” Kazuma agrees, “But a mere girl? You underestimate her. Didn’t you see it?”</p><p>“See what, exactly?”</p><p>Kazuma grins. “They’re drawn to her, all of them. They gravitate towards her like…like she’s the sun. When she walks into a room they all look towards her. They hang on her word.” He chuckles wryly. “What could one call it but a ‘bond?’”</p><p>Hatori opens his mouth to deny it, to call Kazuma stark raving mad, but then when he first saw Tohru…didn’t he know who she was, despite never having seen her before? Didn’t Shigure say she was like the sun, that his eyes would find her before he even knew it?</p><p>These are dangerous thoughts to have, thoughts he can’t dwell on. So he walks away from Kazuma and absolutely refuses to think about it.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Hatsuharu</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Haru knew it just from watching her. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say she was a member of the zodiac, someone like Yuki given how quickly she always managed to catch herself before getting seriously hurt. When compared to Akito…well, there was no comparison, really.</p><p>“You watched her dig through mud, flinging aside rocks and bits of tent, all while she had a fever, and it didn’t hit you right then?”</p><p>Yuki blushes and looks away.</p><p>“I knew it!” Shigure hollers, waving his arms around. They ignore him.</p><p>Haru continues, “I mean really, that’s quite the picture. I would have thought she was Joan of Arc reincarnated if I wasn’t cursed.”</p><p>“So if you had been the one stood there, your first thought would be ‘I just met my god?’” Yuki asks, obviously trying to salvage his dignity.</p><p>“Yes,” Haru says.</p><p>“Haa-chan doesn’t lie!” Momiji chirps. “I knew it pretty early, too! After she hugged me, when I told her about my mama!”</p><p>“You told her about that?” Hiro asks.</p><p>Momiji nods. “It was so natural, she ran into my mama and Momo and it all just came spilling out.” He wraps his hands around his tea cup, looking at it as if he can see the scene unfolding in the reflection. “I could barely be that honest with myself, but it all just came out in front of Tohru. And she never judged me for what I admitted to. She understood, she cried with me.”</p><p>Isuzu reaches over and takes Haru’s hand. “We all told Tohru things we never would have told anyone else.”</p><p>It’s the first time they’re all saying it out loud, what they thought about Tohru. She’s presently out with Kyo, looking for an apartment, and it seems like the finality of it all set in; He, Rin, Momiji, Shigure, Hiro, and Kisa all ended up at Yuki’s house, talking about the past.</p><p>“She’s not really a god, you know,” Hiro snaps, “And neither was Akito, curse or no curse.”</p><p>“I wished she was our god,” Kisa says, talking over the end of Hiro’s sentence. “After I met her, whenever I had to see Akito I would just pretend she was sitting right behind me, and I couldn’t see her but I could reach back and grab her hand if I felt really afraid. I didn’t feel so scared after that.”</p><p>Haru nods sagely. “And if you needed any more proof, you do know she fell off a cliff, right? That’s something she survived. That’s not normal.”</p><p>“I say again, not really a god,” Hiro stresses, before mumbling something.</p><p>“What was that?” Momiji teases.</p><p>“I said I wished it too!” Hiro cries, burying his face in his hands.</p><p>Haru chuckles and watches as Momiji starts poking Hiro and teasing him. The two of them will end up fighting for a while until Kisa finally decides to step in and calm Hiro down. Shigure is pouting because no one is listening to him, and Yuki is still blushing.</p><p>Hiro is right, in a way. Of course Tohru isn’t really a god, just like Haru never was really an ox; he was and always has been a human being. When he was a kid, he used to ask how it was possible for a human to turn into an animal. How could he change so suddenly? Why didn’t it hurt? If someone killed and ate him while he was an ox, would that be cannibalism? (His mother had not been happy with that question but to seven year old Haru it was very important to know.)</p><p>But the curse was also real, and once upon a time Haru had a very deep and terrifying love for Akito. He cried when he met her, they had played together, and when Akito slapped him away or hissed awful things at him, Haru always went back. He loved and hated Akito at the same time, when a normal person would have simply stayed away from her. At one point, when he really wanted to hurt Akito physically…he couldn’t. Something just wouldn’t let him.</p><p>In the same way, he was drawn to Tohru from that first day. This girl was a perfect stranger, but she felt like Akito in only the good ways. He wanted to go to her, to smile with her and cry with her, and he knew she would never, never turn him away. And it would have been easy for any one of them to take advantage of her kindness, but they never could (well, maybe Shigure did). There was something so very…metaphysical about it all.</p><p>‘What else could it be but a ‘bond’?’ How many times had the words been spoken? Sometimes there simply wasn’t a natural explanation for these things.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Isuzu</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Again I say, spoiler warning. Things that happen in this chapter have not yet happened in the anime!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If she wasn’t so tired and hot and in so much pain (and if she wasn’t presently a horse), Isuzu would be in stitches from laughter. The girl was so shocked she hit her head on a tree, and then she wondered out loud if she was seeing a wild horse. How completely naïve and innocent the girl is, just like Kagura said. She also said Tohru had some sort of magical, magnetic aura. Well, Isuzu isn’t feeling it. Not when she first sees the girl, not as she stalks off wrapped in the sheet she handed over. Must have been a fluke, what Kagura felt. Isuzu quite forgot about it by the time she ended up at Shigure’s house later.</p><p>She wanted to warn Tohru off. This kind of mission, breaking the curse, it wouldn’t be pretty. Isuzu had a feeling she’d be in jail by the end of it, in addition to being hated. She may not have felt a pull, but she could tell Tohru was a gentle person, and such a person shouldn’t be involved in such terrible things as curses.</p><p>But for Tohru to insist so emphatically that she wouldn’t give up…hearing it broke Isuzu’s heart. She knew then that Tohru was like her, fighting for someone she loved deeply. And Isuzu couldn’t take it, couldn’t stand to hear such hope where there was none. She blurted it all and ran, telling herself it was better if Tohru gave up, if Tohru surrendered and blamed her for it. After all, Isuzu already decided if she ended up with nothing.</p><p>But then Tohru came after her. Just like she’d gone after Kyo when he transformed, just like she’d gone after Kisa, she went after a pathetic wrench like Isuzu. It felt like a damn in Isuzu’s soul was breaking, and all the tears just came flooding out. She buried her head in Tohru’s lap and sobbed like she hadn’t sobbed in years. A girl like herself didn’t deserve to cry, hadn’t earned her own sorrow. But Tohru didn’t make her feel guilty for those tears, Tohru comforted her, Tohru understood her.</p><p>“I don’t know what to do anymore,” Isuzu sobbed.</p><p>Tohru hugged her. Tohru patted her back and whispered into her hair, “It’s scary to be alone, isn’t it?”</p><p>Isuzu feels it then, that pull Kagura talked about. Tohru is so…soft, but she has such strength. One wouldn’t know, when looking at her, just how strong she really is, but she can hold all the fears of the Zodiac and not fall to pieces. She can find it in herself to care for someone as wretched as Isuzu…she’s truly the best person Isuzu knows. She’s wonderful, and Isuzu knows what Kagura’s wish had been.</p><p>“I wish Tohru was our god instead of Akito.”</p><p>Sometimes when Akito comes to torment her, she thinks about tormenting him back, telling him that all his precious zodiac wishes Tohru was their god instead of him. But she could never say such a thing, not when she knows the depth of Akito’s cruelty. She’ll never let Tohru be hurt like she is, she’ll be Akito’s pincushion and punching bag and whatever else he wants.</p><p>It would be nice though, if they could have had Tohru as a god. Maybe in her next life, when the horse is born again…maybe then she’ll get to have that. Maybe then she’ll get to have all her wishes. Tohru, Haru, a mother and father who love her. That would be wonderful.</p><hr/><p>Later, after everything ends, when Isuzu can’t find it in herself to forgive Akito, when she’s bemused at everyone who seems to have moved on without any issue…Tohru comes to her again. Tohru is too kind to hold a grudge, and Isuzu half fears Tohru will encourage her to be forgiving. But not Tohru, she’s so wonderful that she even understands Isuzu’s deep, seething, roiling hatred.</p><p>Hate is a strong word, but a fitting one. She hates Akito, even now, even knowing all she suffered. It didn’t mean Akito had to be as cruel as she was.</p><p>“Healing takes time,” Tohru says. “And anger is part of it. You should be able to feel whatever you feel, Isuzu-san, but don’t let it invalidate what others feel, either.”</p><p>Tohru is so wise, and right as usual.</p><p>Later, she mulls it over with Haru.</p><p>“Maybe Akito wasn’t really ever our god.”</p><p>Haru raises an eyebrow. “What makes you think that?”</p><p>Isuzu lays a hand over her heart, where even now she feels a physical reaction when she looks at Tohru. Not the same one she feels for Haru, but a love that runs deeper than what seems to make sense.</p><p>“Maybe it was Tohru all along. Maybe it wasn’t just a wish…maybe it was true.”</p><p></p><div>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Kureno</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WEE WOO WEE WOO SPOILER ALERT DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE ONLY WATCHING THE ANIME!!!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He no longer has the bond, so he can’t feel it breaking; He knows it’s happening by watching Akito. She’s absolutely losing it, and she very seldom had it together to begin with. And if he’s honest, it does coincide with Tohru showing up. Of course he only found out when she came into the picture later, but it all makes sense. Akito barely speaks of her, except that one time when she said Tohru was ugly and nothing special and wouldn’t hold their attention for very long.</p><p>What Akito does talk about is wanting her zodiac closer. She feels lonely all the time, she craves control because she can feel it slipping away. Ren is driving her mad, and she needs everything to appear perfect because if Ren sees any cracks, she’ll dig her fingers into those cracks and widen them.</p><p>Shigure told him about her, the girl who came to live in his house. Shigure tells him everything, Kureno thinks it’s to jab at him because he’ll never get to experience these things for himself, not as long as Akito is around. Shigure says the girl is like a star, a light in the darkness. He says that as soon as he saw her, he was drawn to her as if he was a little magnet and she was the North pole.</p><p>(Shigure tells him later that he did want to drive Kureno mad, so mad that he would finally do what any of them would have done after being freed from the curse—run as far away as possible.)</p><p>Kureno may not be able to feel the bond anymore, but when he does finally glimpse Tohru, he knows what Shigure meant. She’s surrounded by members of the zodiac and they’re all looking at her, from what he can see. Even Akito can’t take her eyes off the girl, from where she’s watching, peeking out from the curtains. It makes Akito sour for days, though she doesn’t talk about it. He can tell by the way she draws her zodiac close to her, keeping them within reach as if her touch doesn’t make them shiver, as if they aren’t looking for every chance to get away.</p><p>If only she was kinder, if only she’d been taught that love wasn’t a choking hold but a soft embrace…but it makes sense that she feels that way. She’s lost so much, and she’s been forced to put up with so much. There are so many “if only’s” in Akito’s life, too many for Kureno to compensate for. But he still remembers how it felt to know she was coming, that night so many years ago when he went to Ren, crying, aching for this being who was going to be the light in his life. And he remembers the agony in Akito’s eyes when she knew she’d lost him.</p><p>How cruel that only in that moment did it become clear to him what Akito was—not a god but a little girl who’d been fed promises that were too big to be real. She grasped only at what she could get her hands on, crumbs of what she thought she deserved. Ren was right all along, Akito was only human, not a special god.</p><p>It’s too painful to think about what might have been, if only. He can’t let himself go down that path, not when he’s trying to keep Akito from fraying apart altogether. If the curse is really breaking, if the bonds are falling apart…</p><p>Kureno is so very tired. His curse is broken, he can’t fly anymore but he should be free as the bird he could once become. The irony of it all is tremendous. He’s free but he’s trapped. He has no tie to the curse anymore, but the curse is what’s keeping him locked away, so much so that it’s rare for him to even see the other zodiac members.</p><p>He wishes he could hate Akito. Sometimes he very nearly thinks he does, but then he’ll find her curled up on the floor, in a fitful sleep, and all he’ll be able to see is a scrap of a girl who just wants to be loved. Ren is right, but take away the zodiac, take away her status as ‘god,’ and what exactly does Akito have? What they suffer is a curse, and Akito may not turn into an animal but for a child to be told they’re a god? How horrible, how horrible when you have all of the power and glory and absolutely no control. How could Kureno leave her when she was still stuck in that gilded cage?</p><p>So Kureno stays by her side. He lets her scream at him and curse his name, and he’s there when she’s hurting so badly she can’t even ask for help. Maybe there’s more to life than this, but Kureno has given up on it.</p><p>There’s some part of him, some desperate, squished down hope that still exists, that wants Shigure to be right and hopes Tohru does have some otherworldly magnetism. If it’s true, what Shigure means…maybe there is yet some hope for him.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Akito</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Another spoiler alert for anime-only watchers!!!</p><p>Here it is, the chapter you've all been waiting for! Or maybe this isn't the chapter you've all been waiting for, in which case you gotta tell me which one is the one you're waiting for.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She can feel them slipping away from her. It’s nothing new, they’ve been growing apart from her for years, and she can’t pinpoint when it began (or at least when she noticed it), but she knows its’ gotten worse since that girl showed up.</p><p>Why, oh why did it have to be a girl? If Akito really, truly didn’t care what <em>that woman</em> thought, she would have ripped every hair from that girls’ head and clawed her face off for daring to do this to her zodiac (what she’s done Akito doesn’t even know). The image brings her some comfort, and then <em>that woman’s</em> face swims into her peripheral and she has to go break something rather than feel those feelings.</p><p>Akito knows she can get away with a lot. Homicide probably isn’t one of them, but if she could just kill <em>that woman,</em> things would be so much better.</p><p>“There are rules,” the maids tell her gently. “We would all like to see Ren cast out, but it is forbidden.”</p><p>And <em>that woman</em> knows exactly how to get under Akito’s skin. Challenging her like that, hissing at her that if the bond was real, it wouldn’t matter if an outsider got close to them. That girl, that Honda Tohru, slithering into Shigure’s house and getting her hands on Yuki, her Yuki, her closest little zodiac. Akito wants to snatch him back, order him to return to her side, keep him locked away where no one can touch him except her, as she’s done with Kureno.</p><p>But <em>that woman</em> would have a field day with that. Akito can picture her crowing victory, sneering that they don’t truly love her, the bond is nothing but a fantasy, see how they flinch away from you and into the arms of a perfect stranger. You’re nothing to them but something to loathe and fear, they would leave you behind if given half a chance, there is no bond…</p><p>Akito grabs a vase and throws it at a wall. She shreds the paper on the doors, she flips a table and ink goes flying.</p><p>Kureno comes running, he grabs her and holds her and she shrieks at him, ordering him to let her go or she’ll kill him. But he holds her tighter, stroking the back of her head, rocking her until she quiets, breathing through her teeth, anger simmering beneath her skin but too exhausted to struggle anymore.</p><p><em>That woman</em> will hear about this. She’ll call Akito a spoiled, petulant child and tut about her lack of control. What a vengeful, angry god she is.</p><p>Akito sometimes wishes she wasn’t so angry. She can vaguely remember a time when she wasn’t, when father was still with her and she didn’t have the whole weight of the curse on her shoulders. Father told her it was a blessing and an honor to be god of the zodiac.</p><p>“They’ll love you so deeply and so desperately. You’ll be the center of their universe, they won’t be able to do anything without you. It will be hard, you will be tired, but you will always have them.”</p><p>Father suffered before he died. He took a long time to die, fading and wasting. Akito couldn’t tell him how it scared her, couldn’t beg him not to go. As she got older and realized it was her fate to do the same, she became desperate. Sometimes she can’t bear to close her eyes at night, terrified she’ll never open them again. But then, maybe that would be a blessing—to just fall asleep, go quickly rather than suffer as father did.</p><p>And the worst part of it is that none of them will miss her. Kureno will leave the compound and find someone else, Yuki will probably get married and have perfect little babies, Shigure has already forgotten about his promise to her, that he’ll always love her.</p><p>Akito can’t imagine she’ll be able to have a child. There will never be a baby she can leave her legacy to, no one who will steal all the attention away and be there for everyone to hold up. Maybe that’s a good thing, but it’s also such a lonely thing.</p><p>Akito curls up in Kureno’s arms, making herself as small as possible. Kureno sighs and Akito can feel the tension leave him. He won’t move for hours now, until Akito decides to get up and move on her own. For now she prefers now not to wonder if he stays because he loves her or because he feels like he has to. Instead she presses her face into the crook of his neck and shuts her eyes.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>When Akito sees the girl, something cold and roiling erupts in her gut. It’s easy for her to say that it’s rage, even hatred, as she looks at the girl and tells herself that she’s ugly and insignificant and can never fully understand what it means to be one of them. No matter how much her little zodiac may claim to like her, she’ll never really be able to understand them. But some nights before she falls asleep, Akito thinks that what she felt when she looked at Tohru wasn’t hatred at all, but fear. Righteous, heart-stopping fear, because she saw something in the girls’ eyes that chilled her to the bone.</p><p>Love. Pure, unbridled, unspoiled love—the kind Akito has never felt, not from or towards anyone in her life. Love she didn’t even think anyone was possibly able to feel. If Tohru can truly love so deeply and freely…where does that leave Akito? What does that make Akito?</p><p>God loved the zodiac so much he wanted to keep them with him for eternity. Before she saw that girl, Akito never really thought about what it must feel like to love someone so much, eternity was the only thing that would be enough. But she thinks Tohru understands it.</p><p>How terrifying.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you're disregarding spoiler warnings and are lost, 'that woman' is Sohma Ren, Akito's mother. There's a lot to unpack there.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Momiji</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*GASP* I'M LATE!!! I APOLOGIZE DEEPLY!<br/>Anyway prepare your tissues for this one, I wanted to make Momiji's especially heartbreaking. Oh and uhhh spoiler alert...yeah I think so.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He sees her on her balcony and thinks that all these years later, he didn’t imagine it would still hurt to look at her, smiling and living as if he’s not still aching for her to just remember him. She doesn’t have to love him, just knowing that she has a son, he exists, that would be enough.</p><p>Momiji has grown up a lot since his mother forgot him. He’s come to realize that he really, truly did nothing wrong, and while he was selfish for wanting his mother to remember, it wasn’t out of ill intent. He of course didn’t want his mother to suffer, but to forget him entirely was so painful. And now she has another child, one who isn’t cursed, one who will never know he’s her brother.</p><p>And he knows that his mother wasn’t selfish either, she was incredibly traumatized and probably suffering not just from shock but some kind of postpartum depression as well. And though Hatori was a doctor, he wasn’t a therapist, and his mother could never have gotten the treatment she needed to come to terms with the Sohma curse. It was truly a tragedy all around.</p><p>Tohru was the one who suggested he get away, go on a trip. He went to her and told her about his mom, dad, and sister going on a vacation—dad told him about it first, made sure he would be okay. He promised it was okay with him, when really it wasn’t.</p><p>“Then you should go on a trip, too,” Tohru said. “Why not go to Germany? Isn’t your mama from there? Have you ever been?”</p><p>He hadn’t in several years, and he barely remembered going as a child, right after his mother had her memories blocked. It’s a wonderful idea, and he’s excited to go. He’s so glad Tohru suggested it, and he can’t wait to tell her all about it when he gets back.</p><p>Akito would never have suggested he go on a trip abroad, even if Momiji had made it clear he would come back—that’s why Momiji didn’t tell Akito about it. Akito would have made Momiji feel guilty for wanting to go, why did he want such a thing when everyone and everything he needed was right there?</p><p>Momiji has felt suffocated by the curse for so long, and when it breaks he feels like he’s pulled tape off his mouth and sucked in a huge amount of pure oxygen. It’s dizzying, it’s intoxicating, it’s too much too fast too soon—</p><p>It’s <em>heartbreaking.</em></p><p>He wonders why, why now? Why not when he was a child, when there was still hope for his mother to heal and love him? If he went to her now and hugged her, if he told her the truth, would she still be disgusted? Would she shove him away? Would she have a flicker of recognition, would she hug him back? How could it happen this way, when it’s already too late for it to mean anything?</p><p>But then he sees Akito and he realizes that this means everything. Even when Akito screams at him and calls him a horrible, selfish monster, he can’t bring himself to feel sorry. Maybe that makes him a monster, but there’s a world out there that he can go see. He can walk in a crowd and not worry about being knocked into and turning into a rabbit. He can leave the sadness behind and go find someone who will hold him when he’s sad and who he can hold back. He can comfort someone he loves no matter their gender, he can be open and free the way he’s always wanted.</p><p>He spills all of this to Tohru a few weeks later, when everything has more or less settled down. He ends up with his head in her lap, sobbing on her not for the first time, and this time she’s able to hug him and pat his back rather than a pair of long ears.</p><p>“I’m so happy for you,” she says. “And it is selfish, but it’s good. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes, and this is one of those times. Momiji, you’ll be so happy.”</p><p>He’ll always be sad about his mother and the sister he’ll never truly know, but now that doesn’t have to define him. In the billions of people in the world, there will be someone he can have a family with. His own children will never feel his pain, because they’ll never be cursed—never again will someone have their memories taken away because of the Sohma curse. No one will ever be allowed to forget again.</p><hr/><p>Maybe in a few years he’ll be able to tell Momo. It’ll depend on how she grows up, if she seems like she can handle it. Momiji will have to think carefully about it. He’ll also have to ask Tohru’s opinion. Even though he knows Akito’s truth, he thinks it will be hard to go to her about something like that.</p><p>“Does it get hard, everyone coming to you?” He asks Tohru.</p><p>She pauses in chopping carrots and gives him a puzzled look. Even though she’s older now, even though she’s a wife and mother, sometimes she still looks like a high schooler to Momiji’s eyes.</p><p>“For advice,” he clarifies. “We all kind of dump things on you.”</p><p>Tohru looks shocked, but she smiles. “I never thought of it like that, ‘dumping’ on me. And it’s…well, sometimes it’s painful, but it’s not as bad when it’s a shared pain. I always thought that growing up—when you share pain, it’s easier. I like that everyone trusts me, and I like being able to help, because I love you all so much.”</p><p>It’s so simple, but it takes Momiji’s breath away all the same. “We love you too,” he says.</p><p>She smiles and goes back to chopping. Momiji wonders if she knows just how deeply she’s loved.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Ritsu</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>His mother told him about her, encouraging him to go meet her.</p><p>“She was so gentle and wonderful,” mother said. “She never raised her voice or spoke impolitely. I think she would like you, Ritsu.”</p><p>He didn’t ask if she would be shocked, part of him thought of course she would be, but another part thought mother wouldn’t have brought her up if she thought Tohru would be disgusted by him. But she actually liked him, she accepted his choices in clothing, she even managed to say exactly what he so desperately wanted to hear, finding the perfect words to comfort him even though she’s known him for all of ten minutes.</p><p>It’s a relief when the others say that they felt like Tohru was more of a god to them than Akito. Thank heaven for them, because there was no way Ritsu was going to bring it up on his own, not even after the curse broke.</p><p>“I always knew Akito hated me,” he admits now, keeping his eyes down because he knows everyone is looking at him. “Tohru was so completely opposite. She accepted me, she comforted me, I knew her for half an hour and she was younger than me but…I admired her so much. She was so confident and strong.”</p><p>Shigure chuckles. “Not the first words that come to mind when one thinks of Tohru-kun.”</p><p>Hatori sighs. “You shouldn’t say it like that.”</p><p>Thank god Kyo isn’t present, he would probably break Shigure’s neck. Ritsu shudders to think about it.</p><p>“Is that why Akito hated me, though?” Ritsu presses, “Because I dressed how she couldn’t?”</p><p>“No, she just hated you,” Shigure says brightly, and this time Yuki reaches across the table and strangles him.</p><p>It’s probably true, but it doesn’t sting as badly as it once did. Ritsu knows he’s not easy to get along with, and once upon a time he wished Akito liked him, wished that his place in the zodiac gave him a reason to want to live rather than be a source of anxiety and sorrow. Meeting Tohru helped him understand that there were people who existed outside of the zodiac who could understand him, and that it wasn’t all bad being cursed. After all, in meeting Tohru he met Mitsuru.</p><p>It’s nice to have someone who understands you, it’s even nicer to have more than one person. It’s nice to know he’s not alone, and though Shigure teases that he and Mitsuru feed each other’s anxieties, they also jointly try to be less anxious. He talks to her a lot, and she’s a comforting presence in his life. It makes him wish he had met her sooner, and in turn wish he had met Tohru sooner.</p><p>But he’s happy he met her at all, and even happier that she’s so wise. ‘No one is born with a reason to live, but maybe you can find your reason in others. Maybe you can live because other people like you, maybe you can live for their sake.’ It got him to try, to wish to live, and now he thinks he can live for himself.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm sorry Ritsu-san...your chapter is so short because your character didn't get much scr-er, page-time</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Kyo</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Double update since Rit-chan's chapter was so short.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Its years before they realize that they all knew. All of them had a moment where they realized what Tohru was to them, and the whole world felt new and not so scary anymore. They talk about it amongst themselves, when she’s not around. They don’t think she knows, and they don’t want to scare her. Truly they never dared to think it was real, at the time, but looking back on it, it all made sense. They felt drawn to her, they adored her, they wished she was their god, and in the end she was what Akito wasn’t. Maybe the curse was destined to break no matter what, but what are the odds it would happen when Tohru came into their lives? Astronomical; after so many generations, one girl set off a chain of events that, if not outright broke the curse, certainly played a big role in breaking it.</p><p>But strangely, no one ever asks Kyo if he knew. It’s still weird for them to be around him, the guilt will always be there, for not stepping forward for him, for their deep-rooted bias against him.</p><p>They’re celebrating Kisa’s and Hiro’s high school graduation when Kisa decides she wants to know. She approaches Kyo, alone and off to the side, fondly watching Tohru fuss over Hinata. Kisa stands next to Kyo and smiles at him.</p><p>“I’m glad she has you,” she says quietly.</p><p>Kyo hums. “I’m glad to have her.”</p><p>Kisa hesitates just a minute, then presses on. “When did you know it?”</p><p>Kyo looks surprised. “Know what? That I loved her?”</p><p>Kisa shakes her head, “No, when did you know that she was our god?”</p><p>The look on Kyo’s face would be hilarious if Kisa wasn’t shocked to her core by his surprise.</p><p>“She’s what?” Kyo sputters. “Where did you get that idea? That’s just—she’s not—not even—”</p><p>“You never felt like it?” Kisa asks. She’s utterly bewildered, she thought for sure Kyo would have known.</p><p>“Felt what, exactly?”</p><p>How can she possibly explain it? How could Kyo not already know?</p><p>“Tohru would never think of herself that way,” Kyo says firmly. “She’d probably faint if anyone even suggested it.”</p><p>“I never told her,” Kisa says, finally finding the words, “But I felt it when she came to me in my tiger form. She said exactly what I felt and it was like she knew my whole heart. I had never had anyone understand me so clearly, so deeply before, and it was like…I wanted to be near her all the time, I loved her so much. It was like meeting Akito only better, because I didn’t want to run.”</p><p>Kyo’s eyes got wider and wider as she spoke, but then he blinks and he chuckles. “Aw Kisa, that doesn’t mean she’s our god, it just means she’s a pure hearted girl who understood you and you loved her.” He ruffles Kisa’s bangs. “It ain’t that deep, kid.”</p><p>He goes back to Tohru, and Kisa debates whether she should bring this revelation to the rest of the Sohmas. Is it any of their business? Does it matter? Hiro’s words come back to her, ‘She’s not really a god, you know, and neither was Akito, curse or no curse.’ That’s debatable, they all felt that pull to Akito and the need to obey her, just because Tohru wasn’t like Akito in attitude didn’t mean they wouldn’t have jumped off a cliff if she asked them to.</p><p>Then again…maybe Kyo was lying to her. She didn’t say that it was all of them who felt it, maybe Kyo felt pressured to protect Tohru. Maybe Kyo did have that moment; it’s an intensely personal thing to talk about, after all.</p><p>So Kisa decides not to say anything about it at all. It’s Kyo’s choice to ask the others about what she said, and what to say in return.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The cat never needed god. God needed all the animals of the zodiac, he wanted the cat there with him to enjoy the eternal banquet. When the cat died, it wasn’t the end of the world for the cat, the cat had a good life and didn’t want to be reborn into the zodiac along with everyone else. That’s why the cat had such anger, that’s why the cat had a monstrous form. The cat wanted everyone to know its’ pain and its’ anger, but that message had gotten lost over the years. The cat was an outcast, a scapegoat, the one who was always worse off.</p><p>Kyo never felt the devotion to Akito that the others had. He was afraid of her to be sure, but he never loved her. He wanted her acceptance simply because every human has a desire to be accepted. He wrongly thought that if Akito could change her mind, everyone else would, too. Akito was the key to it all, he only needed Akito’s approval. It wasn’t love, it was desperation poisoned with fear. That would never be his relationship with Tohru.</p><p>And to him, Akito was always above him. Even when he couldn’t stand her, he never thought of himself as better than her, and not just because she was the head of the Sohma family, though that definitely played a part in it. But when he saw everyone else putting Akito on a pedestal, he couldn’t help but to do the same, and she treated him like he was beneath her.</p><p>Tohru never treated Kyo like he was beneath her, they were equals in every sense. To Kyo, Tohru was simple, pure, unconditional love. She had accepted him as a friend before she saw his true form, and then again after she saw it. She never once looked at him with pity because of what he was in the zodiac. She saw his pain and she felt it too because she knew what it was like to be on the outside. She had been isolated and cast out, but she also had friends and family who loved her, and the thought that someone didn’t have that was unbearable to her.</p><p>Tohru was love in its purest form, unrestrained and without judgement. She even loved Akito despite everything. How good must a person be to hold no grudge, not against any single person?</p><p>So thinking about it, Kyo understands why the others think she’s their god. When you boil all belief in all gods down to the basest forms, it’s about love isn’t it? The god loved all the animals and wanted to join them in an endless banquet. But that was selfish, because all things have to end eventually. Tohru wasn’t a selfish god. Tohru gave love without expecting anything back. Maybe deep down in her heart she knew what the others thought of her. Maybe it came to her now and then, the fleeting thought that maybe they were right…and then maybe she brushed it off in that way of hers, thinking no no, it was silly, of course they didn’t think that, and of course it wasn’t true.</p><p>Maybe it is true, and maybe it isn’t. If the others want to think of Tohru like that, let them. If it helped them cope, then it’s okay, they don’t treat Tohru any differently for it, and that’s what matters.</p><p>Well, they do treat her ‘differently’—Kyo doesn’t think anyone has ever been as loved as Tohru is. Tohru has so much love to give, and she’s so incredibly loved by all of them in return. Kyo is unbelievable blessed to have her, and he will never take her love for granted.</p><p>Sometimes Kyo doubts he’s worthy of her, but he’s working on that because he knows that in life, it’s not about who is “worthy” of love. They have plans, so many things they want to do together, and soon that’s going to include children. They’ve got an appointment with a doctor next week, because they want to be sure they’re both healthy and their children will be, too. When Kyo thinks about his and Tohru’s future children, he knows he never wants them to question their worth, so he’s working on loving himself the way he hopes one day, his son or daughter will love themselves.</p><p>It’s not always easy, but he’s not in it alone, Tohru is by his side, and Tohru is not his god; she’s his partner, his best friend, and his new family.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If it's not clear, Kyo absolutely didn't have the feeling that Tohru was the zodiac's god, he wasn't lying to Kisa, but that doesn't invalidate what Kisa and the other felt.</p><p>So who could possibly come next? Probably not who you expect.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Kyoko</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Maybe in some universes, Tohru knew exactly what she was. Maybe she was manipulative, drawing the zodiac closer to her and keeping them for herself. Flies with honey, maybe she led them away from Akito and made herself the center of their universe, loved in a way Akito could never be. But not in this universe; No, in this one she really was that innocent and had no idea how any of them felt about her.</p><p>If she had known, she probably would have passed out from shock. Tohru Honda never thought of herself as being that special, she just thought she was being a good person and a kind friend. To her, there was never anyone she wouldn’t sit down and have a chat with, and arguing wasn’t worth her energy. She’d rather understand than get angry, she’d rather love than fight. Some people called her naïve, childish, dense, but really all she was, was…well, happy and nice. It was off-putting to a lot of people. In such a jaded world, how could anyone really not have an agenda?</p><p>Maybe there was some other force at work, maybe it could be called ‘God.’ Kyoko Honda isn’t sure. If there is a god, she hasn’t met them yet. She’s met a lot of other people, but not one she could point to as being ‘god.’</p><p>Kyoko has found that life is like a coloring book. The color gets added bit by bit, and sometimes things don’t seem clear until you stare at it for a really long time. Sometimes whole pages go uncolored for a long time, because it’s not the right moment to fill it in. Sometimes you look back and wish you’d colored something differently, sometimes it’s amazing how well some colors have come together. Sometimes it’s kind of a mess, but it’s okay because you had fun coloring it. People get to watch from the afterlife as the coloring books get filled in, they watch as colors get added to the lives of people they once knew. They get to see, but they can’t pick up a paint brush and start adding colors themselves.</p><p>So Kyoko Honda gets to watch as her daughter finds a place in a family with a coloring book full of messy, sloppy, crumpled pages of history. She sees it all as if flipping through a book, all the past lives and mistakes from generations ago, but she also sees new, bright, clean colors. She sees lines connecting dots, and there are deep, dark lines connecting the Sohmas to each other, but there are newer, finer lines connecting Tohru to each of them, too. The living can’t see the lines. They can’t see the colors they add to their own life. Tohru can’t know the physical connection she has to these people, but she feels it nonetheless.</p><p>Tohru has always been special. Parents should say that about their children, but Kyoko knows it’s truer for Tohru. Is it otherworldly? Can it be that Tohru is a ‘god?’</p><p>No, of course not. Whatever the connection is, that isn’t the word for it. Tohru is something else, but it isn’t god. Which, of course makes it even better.</p><p>“BABE!” Kyoko shouts, making the colors ripple and the leaves on the trees shake. The living can’t see her but she’s there, surrounding her daughter with love and watching over her.</p><p>Katsuya rushes over—he took a break to watch his father, but he’s never far from Tohru.</p><p>“What?!” He gasps—he’s worried, he’s always worried about Tohru, but he doesn’t need to be anymore.</p><p>Tohru will always be loved, these people will be wonderful to her; Kyoko can see it in the pages that haven’t yet been colored but they are there, waiting at the back of the book.</p><p>Kyoko sniggers. “Babe, our daughter accidentally became a god.”</p><p>Katsuya’s jaw drops, and he turns to look at the pages of Tohru’s life, at the lines connecting her to the Sohma family, at their torrid pages and pages of history, and he smiles.</p><p>“How did that happen?” he asks as he settles back to watch his daughter.</p><p>Kyoko smiles. “Just by being herself.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I wanted Tohru's thoughts and perspective to remain up to interpretation, but I imagine it's pretty much canon. So no, she had no idea, but a universe where she did know and did manipulate the zodiac? Damn, I'll probably never write it but it would be interesting to read.</p><p>Thanks so much for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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